Scared Shitless

Within the last year, I’ve embraced the saying …

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and let me tell you, I’ve been scared shitless for a good part of a year while working on my fitness career transition. Planning, pushing, and seeing your dreams unfold in front of you is exciting and terrifying. Last night, I realized another part of the dream process. I’m not the only one scared, stressed, worried, (insert any other feeling here) about my dreams coming true. I have been barely aware (okay, maybe totally inner focused, a.k.a., self-centered) how my actions towards my dreams may have been affecting my family.

Let’s just say a discussion about something simple turned into a major meltdown about where we are now. It totally sucked. I nearly threw in the towel. I cried and yelled and almost decided to give it all up completely. Even this morning after a not-so-restful night of sleep, I still have doubts lingering about in my mind. I keep thinking “Am I selfish for this?”, “Am I dreaming too big?”, “Is this I what I really want for my life?”

You know what has been keeping me from telling the world, “Okay, I give in.” ? The thing called passion. The thing that burns in my chest and stomach every second of every day. The thing I dream about, awake or asleep. Creating my dream job has become my obsession because my dream job gives me more of what I want; time with my family.

Yet, my obsession became my priority, which overtook my #1 priority, my family. Right now, I’m currently training my team of coaches using Chalene Johnson‘s PUSH book. We spent an entire week defining our priorities and setting goals that honor our #1 priority. Last night made me realize, my priorities became flip-flopped. Trust me, I hated the meltdown, still do, but apparently I needed wake up to see how my current push to accomplish my PUSH goal is affecting those closest to me.

This morning, I opened up my email to my daily Leadership Freak message, and what jumps out at me… “Change becomes real when we have to change our own attitudes and behaviors, not until.”

So, today I begin tweaking my plan; making sure my family gets involved, and I check in regularly to keep awareness of the impact on them. I refuse to give up on this. I am too damn close to accomplishing my goal for me and for the greater good of my family. I think the tweaking will help me follow this saying (and still be scared shitless):

 

What makes you scared shitless?

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